Discursive Matrixes of Motherhood : Cultivating Decency and Emotion in Finnish and French Mother-talk

Discursive Matrixes of Motherhood examines women's discourse on their experiences of new motherhood in Finland and France. It sets out from two culturally prevalent turns of speech observed in different social forums: in conversations amongst mothers with tertiary education and in the print media. The pool of data includes: 30 interviews, 8 autobiographically inspired novels and 80 items from women's magazines. With instruments loaned from the toolbox of rhetorical analysis, the recurrence of certain expressions or clichés is analyzed with regard to the national, cultural, biographical, political and daily contexts and settings in which the speaking subjects are immersed. "Staying at home is such a short and special time", the first expression under scrutiny, caught the sociological eye because of its salience in Finland and because it appeared as contradictory with a core characteristic of the Finnish context:long family leave. The cliché was found to function as a discursive micromechanism which swept mothers' 'complaints' under the proverbial carpet. Proper emotions and decency in mother-talk thereby appear as collective achievements. An opposite phenomenon - that of the scaling up of rewards procured by children - was also discerned in the data. Indeed, the French expression "Profiter de mon enfant" ["making the most of my child"/"enjoying my child"] is interpreted as a crystallization of a hedonist ethos of motherhood in everyday language. Secondly, the recurrence of this utterance is analyzed in the light of a requisite located in child-rearing expert literature: that of pleasure that women should take in mothering. Hence, one of the rules found to structure the discursive matrixes of motherhood is the laudability and audibility of enjoyment and conversely the discretion and discouragement of 'complaints'. The cultivation of decent matches between certain categories of emotions and certain categories of individuals also appears as a characteristic of discursive matrixes. One of the methodological findings relates to the fact that such matches may be constituted as sociological objects through the identification of recurrent discursive crystallizations in a given culture. Ideal matches may crystallize in turns of speech and mismatches can be managed through clichés. Becoming a mother entails an immersion in such a particular economy of speech. Key words: mothers, motherhood, transition to parenthood, family, emotions, morality, bonds, rhetorical analysis, discourse analysis, media analysis, France, Finland, comparative sociology

Lumometsän syli : Anni Swanin satusymbolismi 1896-1923

Lumometsän syli, Anni Swanin satusymbolismi 1896-1923 on suomenkielisen satukirjallisuuden poetiikkaa ja 1900-luvun alun modernia naiseutta selvittävä feministiseen tutkimustraditioon liittyvä tutkimus. Sen kohteena ovat lasten- ja nuortenkirjailija Anni Swanin (1875-1958) satukokoelmat vuosilta 1901-1923 ja Uusi Suometar -lehden sadunomaiset novellit vuosilta 1896-1904. Tutkimus tuo uutta tietoa lastenkirjallisuuden osalta 1900-luvun alun modernin ihmisen problematiikasta. Se sisältää naissubjektin kehityskaaren ja sisäisen kasvun kohti naistaiteilijuutta. Yksityiskohtaisen tarkastelun kohteina ovat sadut Veli ja sisar (1917), Ihmekukka (1905), Marjaanan helmikruunu (1912), Aaltojen salaisuus (1901), Jääkukka (1905), Tyttö ja kuolema (1917), Merenkuningatar ja hänen poikansa (1905), Lumolinna (1905) ja Tarina Kultasirkasta (1901). Tutkimuksessa tarkastellaan Swanin satujen poeettista kieltä ja naiseuden tematiikkaa ranskalaisen postmodernin ajan feministisen viitekehyksen valossa. Siinä keskeisiä ovat Julia Kristevan psykoanalyyttispohjaiset näkemykset ja Hélène Cixous´n sekä Luce Irigarayn ajatukset feminiinisestä kirjoituksesta. Sadut kontekstualisoidaan ajankohdan symbolistiseen taidevirtaukseen ja Suomen taiteen kultakauteen. Satuja tulkitaan naiskirjailijan lajina ja erityisenä naisen metaforisen ilmaisun muotona. Satujen feministinen lukutapa purkaa perinteisiä lukemiskonventioita ja merkitsee satutekstin lukemista "toisin". Se avaa varhaista modernia naiseutta ja sille ominaista naisen ilmaisukielen erityisyyttä sekä mykkää ei-kielellistä, melankolian ilmaisua. Tutkimus tuo esiin uudenlaisen naiskirjailijan aistimusvoimaisen kielen. Swanin satusymbolismi on luonnon kauneuden synesteettista ja aistimusvoimaista kerrontaa, jolle on luonteenomaista aistiestetiikka, metaforisuus, metonymisyys ja metamorfoosit. Swan vahvistaa osaltaan naisen sankaruutta, omaa ilmaisukieltä ja ääntä. Tuloksena paljastuu satuperinteeseen verrattuna uudenlaisia tyttöyden, äitiyden, naistaiteilijuuden ja perheen malleja ja niiden representaatioita. Satumallit osoittautuvat aikanaan moderneiksi tyttösankareiksi, osin ambivalenteiksi uudenlaista naiseutta ja suhteessa oloa heijastaviksi ja ovat siten varhaisia feministisen sadun tunnusmerkkejä. Tutkimus selvittää, miten Swan rakentaa omaperäisen satusymboliikan. Satumetsä on luonnonkauniin suomalaismetsän symbolinen mielenmaisema ja samanaikaisesti sadun myyttis-symbolinen topos. Swanin luontokäsitys sisältää luonnonsuojelun ja varhaisen ekokriittisen näkemyksen. Tutkimus osoittaa Swanin satujen kytkeytyvän 1900-luvun alun modernismiin ja Suomen taiteen kultakauteen. Swan on suomenkielisen symbolistisen taidesadun kehittäjä ja feministisen sadun aloittaja.

Kampen om Eros : Om kön och kärlek i Pahlensviten

The Struggle for Eros: On Love and Gender in the Pahlen Series The present dissertation examines how gender, sexuality and motherhood are constructed in the novel series Fröknarna von Pahlen (The Misses von Pahlen, I VII, 1930 1935) by the Swedish author Agnes von Krusenstjerna. The aim of the study is to analyze how the Pahlen series relates to the discourses on gender and sexuality circulating in the 1930s, and how the series opens a dialogue with the feminist thinking of the time especially with the book Lifslinjer I (Love and Marriage, 1903) by the Swedish author Ellen Key. Fröknarna von Pahlen holds a central position in the research on Agnes von Krusenstjerna partly due to the literary debate that the novel series triggered. The debate was connected to the development taking place in the Swedish society in the beginning of the 1930s, in the so-called second phase of the Modern Breakthrough. Sweden was at that time characterized by struggle over the definitions of gender, sexuality and parenthood, and this struggle is also visible in the Pahlen series. The literary debate took place in 1934 1935 and it began after an article by the modernist writer Karin Boye was published in Social-Demokraten on 28 January 1934. In her polemic article, Boye saw the Pahlen series as a sign that the family institution is on the verge of a breakdown and with it the whole moral system that has come to existence through it . Boye went on to state that Krusenstjerna only sees and describes and that she explores neither new literary forms nor new values. Boye wrote the article before the last two parts of the novel series were published, so obviously she could not discuss the utopian vision characterizing those parts. This study, however, strives to demonstrate that Krusenstjerna not only sees and describes, but that she like many of her contemporary female colleagues appears to take the request of Friedrich Nietzsche to revaluate all values seriously. Like the works of her contemporaries, Krusenstjerna s Pahlen series is marked by a double vision on the one hand a critique of the prevailing social order, and on the other hand a dream of a new world and a new human being. In this research the vision of the Pahlen series is characterized as queer in order to emphasize that the series not only criticizes the prevailing gender order and its morals, but is also open for new ways of doing gender, parenthood, and family.

Vääränikäisiä äitejä? : Ikä ja äitiyden yhteiskunnalliset ehdot

This dissertation reports on research on the contradictions between “right-aged” motherhood accordant with normative life-course and the motherhood of a woman who lives her life according to her own choices and options. The focus of this study is to analyse and interpret the motherhood of women who have become mothers for the first time both at a very young age (under 20) and at an older age (in their 40s), from the viewpoint of life-course, age and social class. The study discusses motherhood both as an experience and as a socially-constructed phenomenon. Research questions are the following: How do mothers at different ages talk about pregnancy and motherhood as a part of their life-course? What meanings do mothers at different ages give to age, growing up and adulthood? How is social class constructed in the speech of different-aged mothers? This dissertation includes five articles and a summary chapter. The theoretical starting points for the study are Finnish critical family studies, Finnish feminist social policy studies and Anglo-American feminist motherhood studies. Additionally, this study draws on sociological age studies and new sociological social class studies. The methodological approach is discursive-materialistic. This approach recognises issues related to language, cultural representation and subjectivity, but it also aims to locate them in their social and historical context. The data is drawn from twenty-four interviews of different-aged mothers and articles collected from popular magazines on babies and parenting. In the interview data, different issues related to motherhood are constructed due not only to the women’s age, but also their social background. Social class becomes visible in the relationship between the interviewed women and nuclear family, expert knowledge or money and livelihood. In this study, social class and age are intertwined. It is almost impossible to analytically distinguish which of the mothers’ experiences are related to class and which are related to age. In this study, young motherhood is shown as quite positive. Even though the interviewed young women did not usually plan to have a child, it was not a great shock either. In the young mothers’ speech, motherhood appears as a natural part of the life-course and growing up. The conditions young mothers suggested as necessary to good motherhood do not depend on standard of living, education or social background. A young age is seen as a resource, not as an obstacle to good motherhood. Postponing one’s motherhood is associated with materialism and a career-oriented lifestyle. The older mothers in this study rarely reported having postponed their motherhood on purpose. Some of them explained the delay with extended studies or financial insecurity caused by part-time unemployment. Others recounted they had been insecure about their abilities to cope with a child or lacked a suitable partner. Some of them may have wanted a child much earlier in life, given the right circumstances. In the older mothers’ speech, motherhood is strongly associated with adult life, permanent employment and a (heterosexual) nuclear family.

Vammaisen lapsen äidin vanhemmuuden kokemus sekä lähiympäristön ja kasvatuskumppanuuden merkitys

The parenthood experience of a mother with a disabled child and the meaning of the social environment and parent-professional partnerships The importance of parental guidance when a family has a child with a disability or autism has been pointed out by several studies. The present research was based on the premise that by supporting the mother we can help the whole family to cope better and the professionals in day care or at school are able to support parents. The starting point was the subjective experience, which is also the central focus of the phenomenological method. The purpose of this study was firstly to describe the experience of the mother and the dialogue between mother and educational professionals. Secondly it was the task of this research to discover what kind of support and information the mother obtains from her social environment. At the background of this study there was the ecological theory of Bronfenbrenner, the ecocultural approach by Gallimore and the interactive examination of family that take into consideration the whole environment and personal situation. The research data was collected by interviewing the mothers, the day care personnel and the teachers at school. In this research there were a total of 32 interviews and 24 informants: 10 mothers who have a child with a disability and/or autism, 8 professionals in day care and 6 teachers at school. This study was longitudinal because the same mothers were interviewed twice, first in 1998 and then after five years in 2003. It was thus possible to get information on whether their life situation had changed and the nature of those changes. The data of this study was analysed by the method of phenomenological psychology that was applied for this study. The findings indicated that all mothers had experienced many complicated emotional feelings such as: anger, mourning, fear and sadness as well as love and bonding. It can be said that several human feelings existed at the same time. Mothers experienced that the support of the social environment, for example, relatives, families in the same situation and persons taking care of the child had significant meaning for their coping. However the life situation among the mothers varied. Mostly mothers received valuable support for their parenthood and they have adopted a strong emotion for manage ring. Mothers with an autistic child were more stressed than mothers with a mentally retarded child. A few mothers had numerous problems with taking care of their child and they did not get enough help. Same mothers were very exhausted too and the situation was quite the same after five years, when their child was teenager. All mothers said that after starting school the support for the family had significally diminished. Mothers said that dialogue with teacher got on without problems, but there were meetings seldom, so it wasn´t possible to get enough support for their parenthood. Keywords: parenthood, motherhood, disability, early special education, family-centred.

Lähellä, mutta niin kaukana : Tutkimus naisten muuttoliikkeestä Suomen ja uudelleen itsenäistyneen Viron välillä

Immigration is one of the most topical international issues of our time. Worldwide, the number of immigrants has doubled over the last twenty years, and migration patterns have become so diversified that they now constitute a kind of “chaos”. The number and significance of women as migrants has also increased, which is earning women growing attention among scholars. This study looks at the migration of women, in particular mothers of small children, in both directions between Finland and Estonia, following the latter’s re- independence. The data consists of in-depth interviews conducted in 2005 with 24 Finnish and 24 Estonian immigrant women. The focus was on the women’s expectations and experiences of their new country of residence, acculturation – i.e. adjusting to a new environment, social networks in the country of origin and the new country, and models of motherhood following immigration. The primary research question was formulated as follows: Which factors have influenced the formation of female immigrants’ social ties, thus contributing to the formation of motherhood strategies and afecting internal family dynamics in the new country? The research consists of four previously published independent articles as well as a summary chapter. The study’s findings indicate that Finnish and Estonian women migrated for diferent reasons and at diferent times, and that their migration patterns also difered. Estonian migration occurred mainly in the 1990s, and most immigrants intended to return later to their country of origin. Regardless of the reason for migrating that they gave to immigration officials, other key reasons often included the desire for a more stable living environment and better income. Only four of the Estonian women had immigrated together with an Estonian husband, while two- thirds came because of marriage to a Finnish man. Most of the Finnish women, on the other hand, migrated after 2000 and either came with their family as a result of a spouse’s job transfer, or came by themselves to further their studies. In most cases, the migration was a temporary solution intended to promote one’s own or one’s spouse’s career advancement. Because the reasons for migrating were diferent between Finnish and Estonian women, their expectations of the new country and their status in it were also diferent. In terms of both social and economic standing, the position of Finnish immigrants was categorically better. The reason for migrating had an impact on one’s orientation toward the receiving society. Estonian women and Finns who migrated for marriage or edu cational reasons became immediately active in forming institutional and social ties in the new society. Conversely, the women had migrated because of work had little contact with Estonian society, and their social networks consisted of other Finnish immigrants. Furthermore, they maintained strong institutional and social ties to Finland and therefore felt no need to anchor themselves to Estonian society. The Finnish and Estonian women who were better integrated into the receiving country also maintained strong social ties to their country of origin. Women who became integrated into the receiving country as a result of giving birth to children utilized various services directed at families with children. In part, such services conveyed to the women the conceptions that were prevalent in the surrounding society concerning the treatment of children and the expectations on mothers, both of which difer to some extent in Finland and Estonia. had an impact on strategies of motherhood, internal family dynamics, and gender Regardless of the reason for migrating, or the country of origin, immigration equality. Most Estonian women had to do without the child-care help provided by relatives; before immigrating, some women had even had daily child-care assistance from family members. However, Estonian women who were married to Finns did receive help from the spouse and sometimes also the spouse’s relatives. Conversely, Finnish women who had immigrated because of a spouse’s job transfer were faced with the opposite situation, in which they bore the main responsibility for domestic work and child care. They were, however, in a position to pay for domestic help. Hence, the women who had integrated into a new society had to construct their own perceptions of motherhood by reconciling the motherhood models of both the cause of a spouse’s job transfer found that being a stay-at-home mother challenged previously self-evident behaviors. Receiving country and the country of origin, whereas women who had migrated because of a spouse’s job transfer found that being a stay-at-home mother challenged previously self-evident behaviors.

Eläytymisestä omiin tarinoihin : Televisiosarja katsojien keskustelussa

From sympathetic understanding to own stories. TV-series in the conversation of its viewers. The purpose of this study is to analyze viewers' conversations about TV-series as a practice in which viewers construct meaning to TV-series. In the tradition of British Cultural Studies this study understands that viewer has an active role in interpreting and constructing meaning to TV-series. In the tradition of feminist studies this study understands that gender is being constructed in social and cultural practices. In reception studies, the viewing of TV-series has usually been analyzed as a practice which is embedded at home and in a family. The studies are often based on interviews of viewers, and the analysis of the construction of meaning is based on interview material where the viewers most often talk about their viewing habits and the likes and dislikes of TV-shows and -characters. This study extends the reception and interpretation of TV-series from home to the moments of interaction between viewers. It is quite common to hear how people talk also outside of home about television and the programmes they have watched. In this study the construction of meaning is being studied in viewers' conversations. The method of analysis is conversation analysis which studies the ordered properties of everyday forms of social interaction. The data has been collected in a workplace where four women watched together (and without the presence of a researcher) two TV-series, American sitcom Golden Girls and Finnish family drama Ruusun aika (Time of a Rose), and afterwards had time and chance for discussion. There was neither a questionnaire nor an agenda for the women to discuss. The analysis of the conversation brings up three themes. In the orientation discussions the viewers aim to construct frames in which it makes sense to talk about the TV-series. The frames have mostly to do with the genre of the TV-series. The second theme is concerned with the viewers' aim to achieve sympathetic understanding of the characters in the TV-series. The third theme extends and transfers the conversation about TV-series to real or imaginary stories of own life. In the conversation the reception of a TV-series appears as being in motion: in the orientation discussions the viewers move towards the series, in the character-discussions the viewers move within the world of the series, and when telling their own stories the viewers move away from the TV-series towards their own lives. In the conversations there appears also a distinction in gender-constructions. When the viewers talk about motherhood, they adopt a serious and moralistic tone. When they talk about female sexuality and relationships between women and men they adopt carnevalistic and humorous tone. There are examples of these kinds of gender-constructions also in other studies of Finnish gender culture. Motherhood means the responsibility to good upbringing; relationships with men include something unpredictable and problematic which one handles at best in a humorous way.

Tytöt, pojat ja sukupuolinen häirintä

In this research I ask what is interpreted as sex-based harassment by 15-16-year old girls and boys. By sex-based harassment I refer to one-sided, unwanted attention that is based on gender and that makes the target feel embarrassed, frightened, hurt or angry. My focus is not on the most overt cases of harassment but rather on everyday encounters. While young people differentiate between harassing and non-harassing attention, at the same time they define, assign value to and construct differences and power relations on the basis of gender, age and ethnicity, for example. My main data consists of essays (N 104, 54 girls, 54 boys) and thematic interviews (N 14; 20 girls, 3 boys) of ninth graders of a secondary school in Helsinki. In the essays and interviews, students construe the border between pleasant and unpleasant, tolerable and intolerable attention as clear in principle, but, they suggest that in practice this border is ambivalent, negotiable and contextual. The interpretations of incidents are justified by referring to features of the target, the scene or the perpetrator. Targets of harassment are most often construed as being girls who are characterized as thin-skinned, but at the same time they are expected to be understanding toward any sex-based attention they may get, particularly when it is not physical. On the other hand, girls are regarded as equal and even active participants in incidents of harassment. Such statements include considerations of how girls either reject or invite particular kinds of attention by their actions and outward appearance. Forms of harassment, ways of understanding it as well as overcoming it vary according to spatial context. By situating incidents in different spaces and places, young people contrast their experiences with ordinary and predictable non-harassment that takes place e.g. in discos and unusual and unexpected harassment that takes place e.g. in the city streets in the daytime. The behaviour of boys harassing a girls is naturalized by appealing to young masculinity and the childishness but also strong sexual drive which is seen as characteristic of teenage boys. On the other hand, sex-based harassment is racialized and pathologized in ways that separate the phenomenon from young, Finnish, normal masculinity. Both the material experiences of the young people and the definitions of the parties involved in harassing incidents are gendered. Girls encounter and deal with sexualized commenting and unwanted approaches much more often and in a more intensive way than boys. Furthermore, there is a vast cultural repertoire of acceptable accounts that can be mobilised in order to excuse male harassers, to critically evaluate the appearance or action of the female targets and to divide the responsibility between the female target and the male perpetrator.

Tuntemattomista vertaistuttaviksi : Esikoisäitien ja -isien perhevalmennusprosessi Espoon uudentyyppisessä perhevalmennuskokeilussa

From Strangers to Peer Acquaintances Mothers and Fathers with a First Born and their Experiences of the New Family Training Process in Espoo This research is composed of two interrelated case studies. The first case was a family training experiment conducted in the City of Espoo during 2003 2005. In the experiment, the content, duration and procedures were modified from the previous family training policy. The new family training system stressed peer group activities and the peer support formed between the participating mothers and fathers. The second case comprised the stories of 14 parents about the family training process. The aim of the research was to find out whether peer group activities and support was demonstrated between the participating parents during the family training process. The second case and its narrative material constituted the main research material. The narrative material was collected by interviews. Eight mothers and six fathers were interviewed twice within a year between their sessions. The parents also filled in questionnaires about their daily life and participated in a drawing exercise, in which they visualized how they experienced the family training during the antenatal period, labour and the postnatal period. A narrative approach was applied to the analysis of the narrative material. The analysis consisted of several stages. In the final stage, the fathers main story was combined with all the participating fathers personal stories. The mothers main story was also constructed from their personal stories. The study implicated that in some parts the mothers and fathers main stories were similar. During the family training, previously unacquainted parents became peer acquaintances. In particular, the first born as a focus created interaction and cooperation among the parents. Parents in similar circumstances became significant to each other. Different figurations formed during the family training. However, the main stories did not always entwine. The mothers were in contact with the other mothers almost daily using mobile phones, email and mother-child activities. The fathers employed outside home met each other only during the family training meetings, but felt being supported by the other fathers. Some families visited one another outside of the family training. This new type of family training had characteristics typical of the project society. The parents peer activities were based on trust, negotiation and contracts between partners. The parents evaluated the benefits of participation in the family training. If they appreciated the activities with peers and peer compassion, they were willing to participate in the family training during the postnatal period. Keywords: family training, parenthood, motherhood, fatherhood, peer, peer group, peer support, social support, social relationships, figurations, the project society, pastoral power, epistolary power

Toiseustarinat : äitinä suomalaisessa yhteiskunnassa

The focus of this study is to analyse the power relations on how our society normalizes motherhood and what kind techniques of power can be found in the motherhood culture. This study is an educational family research, and the aim of this study was to analyse those power frames that try to limit mothers in their motherhoods. There were seven mother participants in this study. They wrote essays about their experiences of motherhood in the Finnish society. The method of the research was qualitative, and the data was analysed by discourse analysis. The theoretical part of the research consists of distinguish in parenthood, family policy in families with children and motherhood in the Finnish society. The methodological approach is Michel Foucault´s analytic of power relations, and in this viewpoint I try to find out the different discourses of motherhood. In this study, mothers process against those assumptions of motherhood, which limit their freedom as acting in their role as mothers. Mothers locate themselves in the position of the Other that differs from those motherhood discourses which mothers were talking about. From the point of the Others , mothers processed their own motherhood, and they feel that they were always distinguished from the motherhood which they were expected to belong. Six categories were found in the motherhood assumptions: the norm of education, the myths of motherhood, the role assumptions in the motherhood, the norm of motherhood and discourse of good parenting, and discourse of project parenting. These discourses of motherhood assumptions make limitations, classifications and difference among motherhood. These assumptions were told by people for example in maternity clinics, first and security houses, judiciary systems, nursery, or by some other people. Mothers in this study made a comparison between the motherhood assumptions and themselves. In this study, mothers also criticize the culture of motherhood in the society and feel incompatible with the norms of motherhood around them. This may also increase mothers exhaustion.

Sotalapsuus, äitiys ja isoäitiys : Kertomuksia sotalapsuuden varjossa

War children were sent away to shelter without their parents to other Nordic countries, mainly to Sweden. The phenomenon was remarkable. During the Second World War nearly 80,000 children were sent from their homes by trains or boats. These children travelled to foster homes where they were placed with new parents looking after them. After the conclusion of the peace, for some months or sometimes years later, orders were given to send the children back to their families in Finland. Returning back to Finland and to their biological parents and families was not always easy. Deep bonds between the children and their foster families were created and leaving caused grief to those small travellers once again. In some cases, distances were created in the relations between Mothers and their daughters. Many had forgotten their Finnish, and returning to school proved difficult. Some of the war children felt rootlessness, a result of being torn away from their family and culture. The aim of this study is to describe how former war children became mothers by themselves, and later on grandmothers. The study also explores how they describe the meaning of the war and their childhood in their own parenthood and what were their experiences of time in foster homes. Seven former war children and three daughters were interviewed for this study. Interviews were biographical. A narrative approach and thematic reading (by Riessman 2008) has guided the analysis of the texts. According to the results of this study, the importance of having your own home , family and security in childhood relationships is significant. Caring and having responsibility for disadvantaged others was important for former war children. What come from the detailed experiences of the 'war childhood' most of all were the difficulties they found on returning to Finland. Some of them had become very attached to their foster parents. There were varying degrees of language problems among the returnees. Some of the interviewees had completely forgotten their native language. Given that, starting the school at home was difficult. They also remembered continuous travelling.When asked on the outcome of their relationship with their biological mother, most interviewees were happy, with a few experiencing some distance in this relationship. Security and being available to protect their children were important in their own motherhood and grand motherhood. In difficult family situations like divorce, they wanted to give their time and support for helping with grandchildren. Another important aspect in family life is interaction between all its members. Talking things through in families and also in War Child Associations was highly valued. However, talking of war childhood had been silenced in some families. In conclusion, the experiences of former war children should take in consideration when difficult situations between parents and children or children s positions in war zones are resolved. War children also have a lot to give for further educational study.