Need To Be Adored

Faced with a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, I began with the objective of discovering methods for creating art that were still accessible to me. Along the way, I encountered others who had travelled this road before me. Their experiences led me to examine, not only my art, but also my political orientations, my love obligations and my transitioning self. In my varied art pieces, I conjure something from diverse sources and different worldviews, including contemporary feminist performance art and disability cultural theory. My thesis is a project. I make things: puppets, videos and performances, which included the exhibition, Need to be Adored (2014), staged in the digital media lab of the Isabel Bader Centre for the Performing Arts in Kingston, Ontario, Canada. The exhibition introduced thirteen of my puppets and a thirty-two-minute looped video. Following the exhibition, I put the puppets away and spent two years reading. Finally, taking my inspiration from Carolyn Ellis’s The Autoethnographic I (Ellis 2004), I turned my processes into words. I wrote out my experiences. I created an alternative text of my identity from an able-bodied cis-identified woman into a disabled trans-feminist artist academic. The writing required an uncomfortably intimate examination of my life. Nothing less than complete honesty would allow me to understand my new location. The resulting text is a lyrical and sometimes whimsical flow of consciousness that invites the reader to imagine what it might be like to engage in such a candid review of everything one holds close to one’s heart. Contained within are all my identities. In this text I let some out. This is a story of unsettling. I am working on my art practices, creating a cast of characters from cloth. Puppets. El becomes the exulted main character of a fictional accounting. She uncovers her queer roots and begins to see that she is at the centre of a very strange geography. Her desire to make film is revealed as she re-remembers her childhood through a disability lens.

INVESTIGATIVE COMPARISON OF TANK AND RECOVERED ASPHALT SAMPLES THROUGH PHYSICAL PERFORMANCE TESTING AND CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Despite the development of improved performance test protocols by renowned researchers, there are still road networks which experience premature cracking and failure. One area of major concern in asphalt science and technology, especially in cold regions in Canada is thermal (low temperature) cracking. Usually right after winter periods, severe cracks are seen on poorly designed road networks. Quality assurance tests based on improved asphalt performance protocols have been implemented by government agencies to ensure that roads being constructed are at the required standard but asphalt binders that pass these quality assurance tests still crack prematurely. While it would be easy to question the competence of the quality assurance test protocols, it should be noted that performance tests which are being used and were repeated in this study, namely the extended bending beam rheometer (EBBR) test, double edge-notched tension test (DENT), dynamic shear rheometer (DSR) test and X-ray fluorescence (XRF) analysis have all been verified and proven to successfully predict asphalt pavement behaviour in the field. Hence this study looked to probe and test the quality and authenticity of the asphalt binders being used for road paving. This study covered thermal cracking and physical hardening phenomenon by comparing results from testing asphalt binder samples obtained from the storage ‘tank’ prior to paving (tank samples) and recovered samples for the same contracts with aim of explaining why asphalt binders that have passed quality assurance tests are still prone to fail prematurely. The study also attempted to find out if the short testing time and automated procedure of torsion bar experiments can replace the established but tedious procedure of the EBBR. In the end, it was discovered that significant differences in performance and composition exist between tank and recovered samples for the same contracts. Torsion bar experimental data also indicated some promise in predicting physical hardening.