New rules, no rules, old rules or our rules : women designing mixed-orientation relationships with bisexual men

This chapter draws from an Australian semi-structured interview project with seventy-eight culturally, sexually and geographically diverse women, aged nineteen to sixty-five, who were in monogamous, open and polyamorous marital and de facto relationships with bisexual men, abbreviated as MOREs (mixed-orientation relationships).
For the purposes of this chapter, I will provide an overview of the shifting subjectivities, agency and resistance of those women and their male partners who stated that, without coercion or repression, they undertook processes of ‘designing’ their long-term MOREs.
I wiIl explore what every woman stated as being an essential component of consensually and creatively entering or being in a relationship with a bisexual man: designing, negotiating and maintaining some “ground rules” and “boundaries”.
There appear to be three overall groups of ‘rules’ within which specific ‘designs’ are created:
1. ‘Old Rules’: Monogamy is considered the only workable or desirable rule, and a partner’s inability to adhere to monogamy would mean the end of the relationship.
2. ‘New Rules’: A range of negotiations and design-specifications establish non-monogamous boundaries and operational strategies.
3. ‘Our Rules or His and Her Rules’: Decisions are made regarding to what extent the rules will be equitable to both, or there are separate regulations for each partner.

Gay men from heterosexual marriages : attitudes, behaviors, childhood experiences and reasons for marriage

In the current study, the attitudes, behaviors and experiences of 26 gay or bisexual men who were married to a woman are examined. Data are provided on childhood family background and experiences, sexual practices with men, reasons for entering marriage, and the “coming out” process. The frequency of childhood sexual experiences was associated with unsafe sexual practices with other men in adulthood. Attitudes toward lesbians and gay men were more negative now than at the time of marriage. The two most frequent reasons for marriage were that it seemed natural, and a desire for children and family life. The results support the hypothesis that internalised homophobia is a factor that leads men into mixed-orientation marriages. Cognitive consistency theory is used to explain the eventual marriage breakdown.

Outside belonging : multi-sexual relationships as border existence

This article draws from an ongoing Australian research project with over 60 culturally and sexually diverse women in monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships with bisexual-identifying and/or bisexualbehaving men. Positioned within a queer feminist deconstructive theoretical framework, this research provides insights into the border existences of these women and their partners, and their negotiations of “new rules” and boundaries in order to construct healthy relationships. What are the various ways that HIV/AIDS impacts women in relationships with bisexual men? How do they deal with issues such as social, community, workplace and familial ostracism? Probyn's term, “outside belonging” (1996: 9) is applicable to the border existences of thesewomen and their bisexual male partners. Their multi-sexual relationships are both “outside” gendernormative and heteronormative constructs of marital and defacto relationships and yet “belonging,” for the partnersmay “pass” as a “normal” couple. They are also “outside” the dominant constructs of Australian gay identity and community while simultaneously “belonging” due to their partners', and sometimes their own, same-sex attractions and relationships.

Sexual orientation and psychological distress: the role of minority stress

 The thesis found that that personal homonegativity/binegativity and discrimination are important when considering risk for depression and anxiety in gay men, lesbian women, bisexual men and bisexual women. The thesis also highlights the important role intrapersonal resilience can have in partially protecting sexual minority groups against these stressors.