Hurt feelings in couple relationships: Towards integrative models of the negative effects of hurtful events

Previous research suggests that hurt feelings can have powerful effects on individual and relational outcomes. This study examined a typology of hurtful events in couple relationships, together with integrative models predicting ongoing effects on victims and relationships. Participants were 224 students from introductory and third-year psychology classes, who completed open-ended and structured measures concerning an event in which a partner had hurt their feelings. By tailoring Leary et al.'s (1998) typology to the context of romantic relationships, five categories of hurtful events were proposed: active disassociation, passive disassociation, criticism, infidelity, and deception. Analyses assessing similarities and differences among the categories confirmed the utility of the typology. Structural equation modeling showed that longer-term effects on the victim were predicted by relationship anxiety and by the victim's immediate reactions to the event (negative emotions and self-perceptions; feelings of rejection and powerlessness). In contrast, ongoing effects on the relationship were predicted by avoidance, the victim's attributions and perceptions of offender remorse, and the victim's own behavior. The results highlight the utility of an integrated approach to hurt, incorporating emotional, cognitive, and behavioral responses, and dimensions of attachment security.

Hurt feelings in couple relationships: Exploring the role of attachment and perceptions of personal injury

This research program focused on perceptions of the appraisals and emotions involved in hurtful events in couple relationships. Study I tested the broad proposition that hurt feelings are elicited by relational transgressions that generally imply relational devaluation and that evoke a sense of personal injury by threatening positive mental models of self and/or others. Participants (N = 224) provided retrospective accounts of an experience of being hurt by a romantic partner. These accounts, together with expert judges' ratings, showed that most hurtful events involved relational transgressions that signal both relational devaluation and threat to positive mental models; however, relational devaluation was relatively unimportant in explaining the hurt associated with partners' distrust. A sense of injury emerged as the dominant theme in open-ended accounts of emotional reactions; however, other negative emotions also featured and were related to the type of event reported. The emotion terms generated in Study I were used as stimuli in a word-sorting task (Study 2). This study confirmed that many of the terms were perceived specifically as injury related, and shed further light on the link between appraisals and emotions. Theoretical and practical implications of the findings are discussed.