Confronting the conspiracy of silence and denial of difference for late discovery adoptive persons and donor conceived people

This article outlines the impact that a conspiracy of silence and denial of difference has had on some adopted and donor conceived persons who have been lied to or misled about their origins. Factors discussed include deceit - expressed as a central secret which undermines the fabric of a family and through distortion mystifies communication processes; the shock of discovery - often revealed accidentally and the associated sense of betrayal when this occurs; and a series of losses, for example, kinship, medical history, culture and agency which result in having to rebuild personal identity. By providing those affected with a voice, validation and vindication healing can begin. Any feelings of disregard, of betrayal of trust, of anger, frustration, sorrow or loss, need to be regarded as real, expected, and above all, a valid reaction to what has occurred. The author is a 'late discoverer' of her adoption and draws on the information from her doctoral research on the same topic which was completed in 2012.